My Start Over Year

Buy these Karma Cards at yesandyes.org

I am sitting here with a rather large glass of Merlot, typing away on my awesome new computer, and pondering the new life plan I’ve devised for myself in the past month or so.  Yup, that’s right:  I have a life plan.  Shocked?  Yeah, I didn’t think so.  I’m the girl that has a new life plan each month; my motivations seem to oscillate with the phases of the moon.  And yet, this is the first plan I’ve honestly, at my core, believed in.  It’s the first plan that favors what I want to do over what I should do.  It’s different from all the other life plans I’ve created, because it is asking me to go outside of my comfort zone in a way that is permanent and inescapable.  First of all: I will be 26 in 26 days.  This means I’m old, relatively speaking.  Relative to me and to where I thought I’d be at this point, five years ago.  It’s not in a bad way.  It’s in a way that is more like: Becca, it’s time to have your shit together.  You’ve had your fun, you’ve chosen your own adventures, but it’s time that we graduate to chapter books with real stories, characters, and plots.  I feel as though 26 is going to be a big year for me, simply because I am declaring this my Start-Over Year.

Starting over doesn’t mean erasing the past.  That would be pretty silly, wouldn’t it?  For me,  this year is going to be all about learning.  Re-learning, to be more exact.  I have a clear idea of what I’d like to do with my life.  But it’s different from what I set out to do four years ago.  It’s different from what I’ve said, in the past, about what I thought I wanted to do.  Still, it feels more right than any other high-fallutin’ plan I’ve had for myself.  I realize that and embrace it.

I said I would go back to school for my Master’s; so this year, I will.  I said I would be a part of something new and exciting; so, I will.  I said I would have more confidence in my writing and develop my art; again, I will.  My Start-Over Year.  This will be the year I say that it’s okay to test out uncharted waters, regardless of what experience I already do or do not have, simply because it will make me happy and will fulfill me in a way that pursuing the path I was “trained” to take, wouldn’t.  I’m not going to worry about not knowing enough.  That’s what internships are for.  I’m not going to forgo the opportunity to learn in favor of the opportunity to make a buck.  That’s what part-time jobs are for.  I’m not going to allow the projections of others to influence my aspirations.  That’s what earmuffs are for.  I will forge ahead, I will work hard, and I will have confidence in my passions.  My Start-Over Year is the year I start doing what I said I would, instead of dreaming about what I could do.